More than enough
by Enchanted Crown
Summary: The comfortable silence, only disrupted by their now encompassed breathing, made Sophie realize how thankful she was for everything. Rated M for mentions of sex.


Sophie felt Gideon finish about thirty seconds after she had, and the man got off of her, laying on his side and pulling her to his chest, where she rested her head gladly. Her husband was such a good lover, always making sure she was satisfied and content, always taking care of her... it was more than many women had, more than she ever thought she'd have. The comfortable silence, only disrupted by their now encompassed breathing, made Sophie realize how thankful she was for everything. Her life, sometimes dangerous but ultimately everything she'd wanted it to be; her friends, a second family to replace the one she'd given up; her husband, the most loving and perfect man in the whole world; and her kids, her three little angels. Three. Sophie's heart ached at the thought. A few years ago, she'd feel Gideon's seed inside her and consider the chance of a new baby coming. Now she felt it, but knew there would be no child, not this time and not ever.

Thomas's birth had been chaotic: when she was seven and a half months into the pregnancy, a warlock who held a grudge with Benedict Lightwood had found his way to curse his family through her, trying to kill the baby (the first boy in this generation of Lightwoods) and to destroy any chance of both her and Cecily having any more. Even though the curse had not managed to reach Cecily, or to kill his little boy (although he had been born premature, and thus not as healthy as he was supposed to be), Sophie had suffered the consequences, and she knew it didn't matter what they tried, she would never be able to have another kid. It had taken months to embrace that new reality, and only the worry of Thomas's sickness and the precautions they had to have with all of their kids (the warlock had been killed, but they couldn't be sure there were no others) had been able to hold her and Gideon together. Things were back to normal now, but scars, Sophie knew all too well, always remained. Silent, bitter tears started to fall down her cheeks, and it wasn't long before Gideon figured something was wrong.

"Soph?" he said softly, raising his head to see her better. The worried tone was faint, but present. "What is it, dear? Did… did I hurt you?" When she shook her head, a frown appeared on his face.

"It's nothing," she managed to whisper. "I'm sorry."

Those words seemed to make something click, because immediately Gideon knew what was going on.

"My dear…" there was pain in his voice when he started stroking her hair. "We do not have to do this, not if you don't want to."

Sophie turned to see him now, her eyes still wet. "It is not that," she said. "I want it, I want you," despite the years of marriage, saying that still made her blush a little, but this time she ignored that feeling. "I just wish I didn't feel so usel…"

"Don't," he cut her sharply, sitting up, causing her to sit up as well, and grabbing her face. "Don't even finish that word."

Gideon was looking right at her eyes, knowing perfectly well that when he did that, there was no force of nature that would make her look away. At moments like that Sophie wished they didn't know each other so well.

"Sophia Lightwood, I have told you this a thousand times and I will say it a thousand more if I have to, but I need you to understand this: you are not useless. You could _never_ be useless. You are one of the best shadowhunters I've ever met, and you are the best wife, and the best mother anyone could have. I am not happy with what happened either, but it's not our fault." It was true. Sophie herself had told him that as well, and did it every time Gideon thought he was responsible for the situation. Objectively they both knew it wasn't their fault, but sometimes it still hurt. Gideon kissed her softly, and even after seven years of marriage, his sweet kisses managed to give her peace. While they kissed, he brought his hands to her face, cleaning the tears that still remained on her cheeks. "I love you," he said, even though there was no need: he'd said it countless times on that kiss. "I love you, and our three wonderful kids." Sophie nodded, smiling faintly.

"I love you too," she said, and then took a second. "And our family. I just… I wish we had the choice, at least."

"Me too, but…" Gideon's words were interrupted by a faint "Papa!" coming from the distance, and he laughed faintly as Thomas's cries joined his sister's. "I think three's more than enough."

Sophie laughed, kissing Gideon one last time before getting up to get her robe. "I will have to agree. "You go for Barb? I'll see what woke Thomas."


End file.
